The Sacrament of Living

I had a yucky day yesterday. Not outwardly, but on the inside. As I wept over the state of my spirit, some words I have read many times came tumbling into my thoughts. I often find myself returning to certain books that seem to act as a plumbline for my heart's journey through this Christian life. I have read the books of Job, Gal.-Eph.-Phil., I &II Timothy, Esther and Song of Solomon a hundred times more than the rest of the 66. Then there is AW Tozer's "The Pursuit of God". This book breaks my heart in all the right places and ways. The abasedness/ depravity of being human presses in on me and I end up on my knees crying for Holy Spirit to take me to the altar again.
Here are the words that came this morning... (esp. the bolded ones)
In the world of men we find nothing approaching the virtues of which Jesus spoke in the opening words of the famous Sermon on the Mount. Instead of poverty of spirit we find the rankest kind of pride; instead of mourners we find pleasure seekers; instead of meekness, arrogance; Into a world like this the sound of Jesus' words come wonderful and strange. The heart's fierce effort to protect itself from every slight, to shield its touchy honor from the bad opinion of friend and enemy, will never let the mind have rest. Only yesterday you were telling God that you were nothing, a mere worm of the dust. Where is your consistency? Come on, humble yourself, and cease to care what men think. He is willing to wait for that day. As long as you set yourself up as a little god to which you must be loyal there will be those who will delight to offer affront to your idol.
I am very aware of how much of a screw up I am, and often ashamed that my representation of Him is so sorry. I'm so overwhelmed with Jesus faithfulness to draw me back into His heart and His embrace. In another book, Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning, he related a story. A priest came and bowed low before the throne of God. God asked what it was he desired. The priest replied that he wanted to be granted the grace to never hurt the heart of God again. God lifted him up and holding him close said, "Why would I rob myself of the joy of forgiveness?" ~ Wow! Am I ever blessed.