Hello 2010!

WARNING!  LONG, RAMBLING TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE AHEAD!

10 years into a new century already?  I remember thinking about this day when we entered this era.  Looking back on the last 10 years is mind boggling.  Hard to believe some things were 10 years ago, and other things seem more like a millenia ago - "10 years?!  That couldn't have been just 10 years!"
10 years ago I was a homeschooling mother of a 10, 8, & 6 year old, had been married for 11 years & was the ripe 'ole age of 29.  We had been out of Bible College and back at our home church for 6 years.  J had just stepped down from leading worship at every service while working 60 hrs. a week selling Hondas, and we were heading into a downward spiral with God, our friends, our relationship, & life in general.  I am so thankful our God is the God who redeems, who rebuilds, who refreshes, and who holds us close to His heart. 

2000 was one of the longest years of my life.  I came to the end of myself in many ways (I think there are still ends to come to), and so did J.  God began to show us the grace of His soveriegnty. We began a journey to relearn what the Gospel of Jesus really is.  We began to be set free from having to 'do' because of man-imposed requirements and expectations, and to 'do' from the outflow of what was happening in us and who Jesus is. 

I just finished reading through the book of John again & the thing that stuck out to me most was that Jesus did nothing, said nothing, went nowhere without the leading of His Father.  He made no apologies for doing or saying or going because it wasn't His choice, His will, or His way.  This is what God has been working in us for a decade... What can I say?  We're slow.

We were so hungry for this new found grace.  We ate up every podcast, sermon, book, or article that explained further, helped us go deeper, and gave our hearts' cry validity.  Mark Driscoll, Matt Chandler, Tim Keller, Alistar Begg, Rick McKinley, Donald Miller, Jon Eldredge, AW Tozer, CS Lewis, Voddie Baucham, Greg Harris, and many others nutured what the Holy Spirit was doing in us. 

Even though soverignty was more validated than it ever had been in our lives, we still had questions of "why?", for us, it was taking so long to step into the calling we knew existed.  Men we hardly knew saw it on our lives, but those who were closest to us seemed not only to ignore it, but squelch it.  Why was God allowing it?  Did we have more to learn?  Were we still becoming those who could hear The Father's voice? 

I heard, just 3 years ago, about a study done by a man named Richard Rohr.  I don't agree with everything I have read, but this made my spirit leap when I heard it.  It was on a man's life journey and the things necessary for a man to fully become what he is called to be.  He graphed it, which I can't show you here, and at certain points along the graph were divergences.  Something significant needed to happen in order for the journey to continue upward toward the positive life.  One of those things happens around the age of 25 (the age J was when we were returning from Bible college), and again around the age of  30 (about the age he was in 2000).  I wish we had known this then.  Friar Rohr showed this: 

· Men must have the affirmation and guidance of wise mentors. 

· Men have a need and a responsibility to mentor future generations.

We already knew it by the time we were shown the study.  J had desperately longed for someone to not only see his potential but to nuture it and give him a path of opportunity to grow in it.  He also desired to have young men to disciple - to follow him as he followed Christ; to see them come into their callings; to see them become disciplers.

Hindsight is always clearer than foresight, right?  We know now that not having those things lit a fire beneath our spiritual butts.  We became passionate & intetional in seeking out wise men who would give affirmation and guidance to J., and encouraging others to not wait for it to happen.  And, J. began to seek out those men with hungry hearts to be discipled - to ask the tough questions, & to encourage and support as they began their upward journey.  Being believed in does something to our needy human hearts.  Hindsight doesn't bring comfort to the past, but it does offer peace.  With peace we can move forward.
Our current place in this journey, 10 years along, has more leaning on knowing God so fully and completely that there is no need of further understanding.  But, golly, it's hard to let go of our humaness.

"If Your Presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here!  How will in be known that Your people and I have found favor in You sight except that You go with us?"  Ex.33:15&16  I'll say even more - How will Your Name be exalted in the earth, How will Your people and I ever go beyond, How will The Father be glorified if You do not go with, before and behind us?  I believe 2010 is the beginning of an epoch - The beginning of a new period marked by radical changes and new developments beyond what is humanly possible; the telling of which will draw the hearers "further up and further in".

Want to come?

Dreaming in Flowers (and vegies)

February always finds me sketching plans for the upcoming spring planting. Back in Washington I could actually carry out these plans, but here, they are only sketches.

I dream in flowers. Secret gardens of my mind. Tiptoeing through visions long embedded from stories, and whisps of memories become my nightly foray during this time of year.

I can smell the fresh earth, feel the moisture under my feet, name each plant as I go. And, I gather. I gather the ingredients for our salsa, I choose blossoms for the vases, and I hold moments in my heart that I will return to when next I dream. There is a sound of contented buzzing in the garden of my dreams. There are moss encrusted walls of rocks and the sun is always warm on my back as I wander.

But as I said, here & now, they are only longings - - only sketches.

And while I sketch, Minda knits.

Soon the seed catalogues will begin arriving. I'll pack them by my side instead of in a box. They'll while away the miles between destinations. Oh, I do hope we are settled in time to plant!

For now I'll just dream of playing in the dirt.

The Value of the Vision of Blind Faith

The beauty of God's sovereignty has come round again in my heart over the last week. Circumstances have caused me to grieve, but the sorrow that filled my soul has been slowly replaced by an unutterable peace in knowing that there is nothing that occurs without ultimately accomplishing His purposes in my life and the lives of those that love Him and seek to glorify Him.

"It will be as I have planned" Is. 14:24b

"For everything comes from Him and exists by His power and is intended for His glory. All glory to Him forever. Amen." Rom. 11:36

Life is so much more difficult when I think that it is all about me. 'Why is this happening to me?', 'What have I done to deserve this?'... I am not omniscient. I can't see the big picture. I don't know what plans from ages past God is bringing to fruition here and now, or what the future will hold for those beyond my lifetime who will be affected by His purposes for me. Yet I worry, and grieve, and scheme, and fig-leaf subconsciously believing that I somehow can mess up His ways. That I am somehow in control.

I found myself wondering why Jesus instructed us to pray, "Thy will be done, on earth, as it is in Heaven," if His will (according to the verses above & many more besides) is already being accomplished. I heard, soft, within my spirit, that it was for me. That in praying for His will to be done I am placing myself in humble submission to what He is accomplishing. That, in and of itself even, is His will.

So, as events unfold in the weeks ahead, I am resting in the knowledge and assurance that Christ is omniscient (He knows all, He has all wisdom, all knowledge, is all intelligent), omnipotent (there is none more powerful, None besides who is almighty, only He is supreme), omnipresent (infinite, always present everywhere, without beginning or end) and sovereign (He alone is commanding the stars & moons in their orbits, He is unmitigated, He alone is master of creation, holding the reigns). There is nothing new under the sun for Him. There is no heart I trust more deeply.

A song is playing in my thoughts, written in days of old , still speaking Truth:

This is no time for fear

This is a time for faith and determination

Don't lose the vision here

Carried away by emotion

Hold on to all that you hide in your heart

There is one thing that has always been true

It holds the world together

God is in control

We believe that His children will not be forsaken

God is in control

We will choose to remember and never be shaken

There is no power above or beside Him, we know

God is in control, oh God is in control

History marches on

There is a bottom line drawn across the ages

Culture can make its plan

Oh, but the line never changes

No matter how the deception may fly

There is one thing that has always been true

It will be true forever

~Twila Paris

The Living - Life Giving Word

"The Word became flesh and dwelt among us" - I woke with these words breaking through the dream-cobwebs of my sleepy mind this morning. Pictures of God speaking and visible words coming from His mouth becoming strings that began to be knit together in the darkness of a womb. The Word. Fleshed out. Actual living words. Words of promise and life and hope, spoken before time began were being encased in the flesh of baby. Breath of Heaven that gave life to Adam at the beginning now becoming that breath to give life in a new way each and every day til the end of time.

Every year it seems to impact me in a different manner. I know it is real. I know Truth. But in moments like this morning, when Holy Spirit overshadows me and hovers over the deep of my sleep, there is a new birth within - a sense that life will never look or feel the same.

Merry Christmas.

Christmas Q's

Heather asked us to do this. It's one I think I've done before, but what the hey!
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping Paper! I used to wrap professionally in the pre-J days! I love to make smooth creases and tie the packages up with ribbons. Wrapping is theraputic.
2. Real tree or Artificial? Artificial ~ Allergies prevent me from walking into my back yard and cutting one down to bring into the house - how sad is that?
3. When do you put up the tree? Since Tof has gotten old enough to help - ASAP after Thanksgiving.
4. When do you take the tree down? The day before school starts again.
5. Do you like eggnog? not even the scent!
6. Favorite gift received as a child? I got a pet radio. They were these transistor radios inside the body of a stuffed animal. I would fall asleep curled up with Hepsaba singing to me. She was a mouse with a mob cap and aproned dress. :o) I had her until I got married!
8. Easiest person to buy for? Tof this year.
9. Do You have a nativity scene? 4! One in the window, One under the tree for kids to play with, one all in one piece that sits on the Organ, & one in an ornament on the tree.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail definately! I am a tactile person!
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? 5 disc CD changer. J wanted it, I got it -- from him.
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? As a child - A Charlie Brown Christmas. As an Adult - too many! It's a Wonderful Life, The Nativity Story, Annie, Elf, Miralcle on 34th, Prancer, Charlie Brown, Rudolph claymation, ...
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? all year long!
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Not as a gift. I have taken things to Goodwill for others to buy.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Christmas Breakfast Casserole (tradition post coming about this soon!)
16. Lights on the tree? Yes - all White and tiny.
17. Favorite Christmas song? Pretty much all of them. I'm waiting for one of my guys to write my all time favorite, though.
18. Travel for Christmas or stay home? Stay home - so sad. We always have Christmas eve service to do, & then there are the 3 treacherous mountain passes, not to mention the Storm warnings in effect for Wasington State this week.
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Thank You Mr. Burl Ives - yes I do!
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Angel - we've had her since we were married! (thanks to my Mommy)
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Morning! We get up, start a fire, put on Christmas music, get the coffee goin', pop the casserole in the oven, and call the kids upstairs!
22. Hardest thing about this time of the year? I think, for me, it is the sadness I feel for those who don't believe Jesus came.
23. Favorite ornament theme or color? White and Red (big surprise there!) or Aqua and Silver.
24. Favorite Christmas dinner? Ham with the carrots and potatoe wedges cooked in with it, potatoe rolls, Garlic Dills, olives to make frog fingers with and Sparkling Cider.
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? Everything I really want is too expensive and pie-in-the-sky-ish. I'm so loved by my family, that is really all I could ask for. I enjoy watching them open what I have pondered and considered and chosen more than receiving -Honest! I'm not a great receiver.

Pleasures of the Heart - Day 2

Two years ago today I got a call at 2 AM. It was the day after Thanksgiving and we were getting ready to move that morning (around 9 AM) to Montana. J. took the call. I blearily asked if everything was ok when he came back to bed. Pulling me close he told me that he had bad news. My daddy had died. I wish I could describe the shock and pain that rushed through me and continued to wash over me in waves as I burried my face in J's shoulder and cried. I still cry. Thanksgiving is difficult now. I miss him.

Strange way to begin this Pleasures of the Heart post, eh? There is a reason. Though pain is real, love is reaches through it. My greatest love comes from my family. Let me introduce you.

The Paul Ladies - Minda, Anna, Judy, Deea, Cassia

The Paul Boys - Fred, Tofer, James

Cricket Quidah of the Amber-dropping-hair RumplesnoutGreat Grampa and Grammy Linda

Celebrating Grama Ella's 90th Birthday in Forks.

They are amazing. They are God's graces that move me beyond pain to the place of joy.
(Not shown in photos: Brothers Kyle & Stuart, Brother-in-law Shaun, Nephew Conner)

Pleasures of the Heart - Day 1

I thought I'd share for the next few days, leading up to Thanksgiving, things I'm loving, being blessed by, finding simple delights in, and am thankful for. I've been reading in I Peter for my devotions the last 2 weeks and one thought has been imbedded in me above any other ~

12 Beloved, don't be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. 13 Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world. - - 19 So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for he will never fail you.

The last 6 months have been difficult and demanding; Spiritually, physically, and mentally. I've been convicted in my lack of faith, hope, and trust when it comes to God's will and work in our lives. The past 2 months Holy Spirit has been gently pulling me back to center and stretching my gaze upward again. In doing so, my heart trusts, hopes and believes more freely. Simple delights are found more often, laughter bubbles out more fully, each day presents my arms with loves to be embraced... So! We begin!

We pop these in our backpacks, purses, and pockets for e-z peel happiness for our tummies. I buy a box and they are gone in a day. :o) Nice to know my family is eating right even when they're snack-attackin'!

By Driscoll and Bresheres. Mark is one of my favorite teachers, and from what others have told me of Gerry, he is just as good in a different way. I can believe it. This is the nuances of the significance of Jesus death on the cross applied to our day to day life and how that radically alters our perceptions of reality - therefore altering our life. It's beautiful.

Wool sweaters. Winter is so much more pleasant with them to wrap up in, snuggle into and pull on at a moments shiver.

Adagio Peppermint Tea. I rediscovered how much I love it while I was sick last week. Nothing tames the tummy quite so pleasingly. Just a plain, fragrant, steaming cuppa please!

I'll be back tomorrow with more! What pleasures is God delighting your heart in right now?

James and Deea's Excellent Adventure

I love old, forgotten places. The stories of what they were, why they were abandoned, etc... thrill me! On a fluke yesterday, J took me to see a house he had almost rented when we first moved here. It was on a road that was secluded and quiet and close to it was an old flour mill ~ Story Mill!
As we walked around this gianormous place, we found ourselves asking those questions. We also found some memories of our own that had been forgotten for a time. Scents and sounds, the feel of textures give our memories more place than we realize. J remembered his boyhood at the livestock auction owned by his stepdad. I was remembering the farm ~ the old machinery, the firehall... stirrings of hot summer days filled with laughter, and family were revived. We almost didn't want to speak for fear of losing the feelings - so we walked in hushed, companionable silence.
We marveled at the height and the fact that it was still standing though in disuse for so long. Almost every window had been broken. Deer and pigeons were making good use of it's adandon state, oblivious to the locks and bolts on the doors.
Our favorite areas of the place were the brick walls. Brick has so much character. If we ever build a home we'd love to do brick and stone. They seem so solid. So timeless.
Being in a melancholy state of mind after walking around the mill, we decided to continue our little adventure.
We stopped at the Spur Line trailhead and walked along the old railroad that used to be fed by the flour mill too. The river that ran directly up to the mill criss crossed the trail. We stopped to listen to it running over rocks and tree roots.

We followed Storymill road into town and found out it dumped us off almost at the church! We had seen an old railway station on our way in and so we turned off that direction to see if we could get up close. Before we got there we came across this beautiful old cigar sign. It was surrounded by some of the most beautiful landscaping I've seen in Bozeman. Thinking it was a store, we stopped to check it out.

What we got was an hour or 2 of stories. :o) Bob owns and the building, but it isn't a store. He and his partner own Mountain Man, which is a manufacturer of ski equipment for the handicapped. The sign and garden were a subtle tactic to keep the city from tearing down the historic building (and his business). The sign is original from the late 1800's. Bob had lived and worked in that location for 35 years or more and was full of tales to tell. J would ask a question and off he would run on rabbit trails like a hound dog with his nose to the ground. It was fabulous!After our visit with Bob, we did eventually wind up at the old station. It was almost anti-climactic. No one was there to regale us with stories of it's hey days. I hope to see inside of it some day. It would make a facinating train musuem or some other business, if it was restored.We went home chattering about all that we had learned and seen, about our own feelings and memories... we were full ~ and all we set out to do was get a coffee.

This and That

One of the things I love about J is how easily he strikes up conversations. Saturday morning we had an appointment for the Acura to get checked out. Lassie's window wouldn't roll up. While the guys were givin' her the once over, we walked to our favorite coffee spot. Not two minutes after sitting down a guy commented to J about his book. The book happened to be his Bible and they went on for the next hour talking about this guy's life and what he believed. He came to church the next day! I'm tellin' ya... God uses my man in ways that still floor me after 19.7 years.Later that evening we went to the Murray's for - - - drum roll please - - - Frogmore stew! I think I have eaten Frogmore more in the past 4 months than in the past 19 years! It was awesome! We got to meet Don's Mom and sister who were here visiting from the east coast and also hang with the Adams. Merle and Don have been building this incredible bed for Mo. Can't wait to see it in his room finally! Monday, Bella met me at Co-Op for lunch. She had Noodles, and I had Tabouhli and mushrooms - Oh ya! Sara came too ;o). It was a perfect afternoon. We headed to Rockford after lunch where Bella got herself a "beer" while Sara and I had tea. When I arrived home, J had planned a hike together. I loaded trail food (Kashi bars, peanuts, cheese sticks, oranges, carrots and celery, croissants...) and water bottles into our groovy purple pack and we climbed aboard Beezus & drove to Paradise Valley. An hour later we disembarked at Passage Creek Falls trailhead and started off on our adventure. 2 summers ago there was a huge fire that devestated this area. Although it was still very evident that the fire had swept through, there was new growth and it was lush and green on the forest floor. We were very ready to arrive and just sit for a spell.

At the top of the falls both J and T took off their shoes and socks to refresh their tootsies.

it was a little more "refreshing" than he was ready for! :o) We drove the long way home, singing to James Taylor and praying we wouldn't run out of gas. Papa Murphy provided dinner for the troupes ~ Mama had a Banana Orange smoothie and then curled up in a little ball and promptly went to sleep. :o)

How was your weekend? I know Stephen turned 20 (which by the way makes me feel ancient) this week and Sabrina turned 30? 31? Did ya'll do any celebrating? (HW is about to turn 30 ~ and is as beautiful as Ev-Uh!!! ) I know Los will make it special.

Friday

9am drop off Cassia and Tof to clean the church 10am Minda meets Druckenmillers to go participate in the Summer of Hope

11:15 am Pick up C & T from janitorial and drop off recycling

12:20 Lunch

1:15 - 3 PM clean house

3 pm drop off Tof to hike from M to our house with Julia's family

7 PM Date with J @ La Parilla 9 PM arrive home to weary, dirty hikers - serve iced tea and popcorn 10 pm return Julia's family to M to retrieve their vehicle

10:30 pm PJ's, and into bed!

Play Date

Sara made a date with me to just go hang out in town and shop, photograph, chatter, eat, drink coffee and hunt for bargains! This is only the second time in two years I have gotten away for an afternoon with a friend to just play. (The first one was with Sara too!)

We started the day at Rockford. It's so funny that Sara doesn't live here, but everyone knows her! Yesterday reinforced to me how different 2 people can be and still be friends. She is super outgoing, I'm subdued. She is all or nothing, I'm more hmmm, sounds good, I'll try it. We do both love photography (but she is much more advanced), we do both care about the enviorment and being good stewards of this earth (but she is doing much more about it), we are both moms (but at total opposite ends of the spectrum)...

There is no real explaination for our friendship other than Christ and our love for Him. What a great foundation though. How blessed a friendship can be because of that foundation!
Both Sara and I love/appreciate Ani's voice in the world. We so wanted to go together to this concert, but their schedule won't allow it. Anbody want to go with me? I think they still have tickets on sale.
We wandered into Luna and Sara found happiness! Sheer happiness in the form of a purse! Wool with felted flowers stitched on, in bright oranges and greens and reds and blues! Later in the day when we were paying for lunch Sara said, "Every time I see it, it makes me happy. I need things in my life to make me happy, right?"

She makes me happy. So glad she is in my life. So blessed she made time with me a priority.
Love you, Sara.