Not Packing!!

Groans from my youngest are heard often right now. "It's snowing - - AGAIN!", is the explaination given in almost the same tone as the groan that preceeded it. She is so anxious to live in a place of year-long summer.
Cassia and I look out our windows and see a smal heard of doe wending their way up the mountain through our backyard with the snow obscuring them, helping them blend with their surroundings, and we sigh in contentment. We will miss this place. Wednesday, just after it began snowing, we drove down the mountain to spend the evening with our "homies" (home group). This was my first real connection in Bozeman. I didn't have friends yet, didn't know my way around, and had no one that took time to see how I was doing (my daddy had just died, our pastor was dying, James was seldom home as he was learning the rhythm of this new adventure...) until this group came along. Dan & Jess, Sam & Sara, Matt & Sara, Peter & Naomi, Doug & Kaitlin, Jon & Abby, Randy & Becca, Julie & Wade, & Scott & Sadie brought a sense of 'home' to Bozeman for our family.
Malinda was 13 when we came. Just earned her safe sitter certificate from the hospital and eager to begin watching little ones. Dan and Jess had just had their first child, a little bundle of pudge and smiles named Lily. When Jess returned to work Malinda began watching Lily, and has never stopped. Lils is now 2.5 ( I always think she is older because she is such a precocious little thing!) and, as you can see, they adore each other.

Our home group recently divided in hopes of drawing more families into this type of incredible fellowship. Sam & Sara have added Katie and Ryan, and we have added Erik and Amber. Matt & Sara were in Colorado, Jon & Abby have moved to another state, as have Wade & Julie, so as we gathered as a family to say our fond farewells, there was a sweetness and a sense of loss. A joy at having them around us, with us, and yet knowing there was a gap where others once held place.

We woke the next morning to thickly frosted pines and diamond dust. We just couldn't stay inside and pack or work on college stuff! Out we walked into the soft land of the quiet giants.

I took so many photos. I felt giddy. My world had changed with one snowfall. It was a world enshrouded in pale, blue winter light and proud fir trees who now bowed low. Tofer stuck close by my side (I should have worn my Yak-traks!). Took some photos of his own. Found his own kind of wonder. And shared it with me, as I did with him.

So much more fun than packing a bunch of dusty nic-nacs into boxes!

As a post script: We still have no new assignment, and do not know where we will be heading. Keep us in your prayers. We are literally and completely at the Lord's mercy. It's exciting. At least it is right now. In 2.5 months if we don't have some direction it may not be quite as fun :o).

A Time to Let Go

(Card made by my friend Danni ~ she is so awesome!)There is a time and a season for everything under Heaven. This is a season of change for the Pauls. Change in job, location, and of seeing at least 2 of our 3 young adults off to college.
Last week was full of college apps, transcripts, references, and essays in the Paul household. Finding out that the deadline for applications to the college they wanted to apply to was 3 days away sent us into a scurry. Each of them needed 3 references, + 4 500 word essays (that's 2000 words each!) on different subjects!! Besides the fact that we had to order SAT scores to be sent and move money from their college funds into my bank account so I could pay the fees. In the end it all came together. God allowed all the people we needed references from to be home and available, for us to be able to file the app online so the deadline postmark was achieved and each of them were able to quickly write out 2000 words on the required subjects. Amazing!

Reading their essays, after they had been sent, brought tears. I love my kids. As parents, we aren't always sure we are doing a very good job; constantly questioning God's decision to allow us to be part of raising these little souls. We have had many that have told us we how wonderful they think our kids are, but when I read it their own words, words uncoerced and without knowing I would even read them, of how they feel we did, I was humbled. An odd sense of wonder filled me. Wonder at all the struggles, discipline, the talks, frustrations, & hard decisions being worth the cost because of the joy. I have a little more experiential knowledge of how Jesus felt in enduring the cross for the joy set before Him.

I asked their permission to post them here. It's more for me. This is our family blog where I put memories and thoughts, struggles and triumphs. This, to me, was a triumph. I want it preserved - because something tells me there are more struggles ahead. (2 Peter 1:15, Heb. 10:32-38)
I am pasting them here as they wrote them - no corrections...

Tofer's Essays - in snippets:

I have grown up in a Christian home (both parents being Christians). My relationship with my parents is more than a lot of guys my age have. My dad & I are a team when we are together. Though our wills clash and we butt heads sometimes, I never doubt his love for me. My mom is an amazing woman of God, & I know I often take her for granted. She is there for me when I am down, always, and expects nothing in return for the constant outpouring into my life.
For the most part I am submissive to authority and function well under leadership. I believe God has placed authority in everyone’s life to keep order, structure, & discipline in community. Without it the community is in the highest danger of failure and doomed to chaos. A family is not complete without a father and mother. The Father should lead and love his household according to Christ’s standards. The mother should lead the family in unity with and in submission to the father. Lastly, the children should come under the authority that God has placed in their lives. The past 2 years have been a trial and a joy as my dad took the role of Worship Pastor here in Bozeman. I never expected what God had in store for me or my family when He brought us here. God showed me through my dad and other men of God that pride, jealousy, bitterness, and anger were in my life just beneath the surface. Those things were brought into the light and dealt with. I let a lot of things go, and am learning to not hold onto wrongs done to me and to lay down my pride & get comfortable with confessing sins and asking for forgiveness.
As a family we take a Sabbath. It is very important to us to let God recreate His life within us as we rest in Him, #1 because He commands it and #2 because it is a necessity.
I write a lot of music. My dad and my sister join me every once in awhile to write a verse or a chorus with me. Music has always been a part of my family.
I say this, not out of pride but, because it is the truth - as a family we pour our time and energy into the church.
I have 2 sisters, one older, one younger. They are a joy to me and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
God is my everything. I couldn’t live without Him. I have a passion to see those who don’t know Him come to the realization that they need a savior. They are blind to who He is and what He has done. I want to help them see. With that said, I want my life to be that of a missionary! My commitment to Him is full and always will be, by His grace.
Grace is what I am most thankful for. I am just beginning to grip the value and necessity of it.
As for my history with drugs, alcohol, tobacco, and pornography, I don’t really have one. I’ve never craved sin. I have craved adventure, adrenaline, and attention. However, the more I continue to know God, the easier it is to let go of earthly ‘feel goods’ & set my desires on Christ alone. I’m done testing out sin for myself, heeding the warnings of The Word and other in my life.
As with any ‘walk’ of forward, ongoing motion I pray that my spiritual walk with God will always be just that. On May 24th, 2000 I received Christ into my heart, though I had asked Him to save me from Hell when I was 3 years old, I had suddenly come to the realization of who Christ is and what He did for me (though, I still don’t fully understand it). I know, beyond a shadow of doubt that I am a Christian. A sinner who was saved by grace, through the cross of Jesus Christ, in pursuit of glorifying my Lord. (Which includes bringing others to a saving knowledge of Him, listening and following His calling on my life, &, in that, being a positive example for others to follow.) Because I professed with my mouth that Jesus is Lord of my life, & I believe in my heart that He is risen from the dead after taking the sins of the world upon Himself and conquering them through the obedience of death, I know that I am a Christian.
The Word of God is my light and my way, my guide for (I wish I could name them) all my decisions. It’s a comfort & a challenge, an inspiration & a joy, it’s the only Truth in which I place my trust, it’s firm & never fails to keep me on the right path!
My prayer life needs improvement, and always will, but I am learning to live my life as a constant prayer unto God. Thinking of Him more often, consulting Him for everyday wisdom, learning His will, and walking in accuracy and alignment with His plan for my life. I’m not ashamed of prayer. In a large group I can be bold and pray out and feel comfortable, but I enjoy seeking the Lord in my room with the door shut as well. I love talking to God, knowing He is right there with me.

Growing up, like most kids, I dreamed big. NBA, NFL, CIA or FBI were on my list! I began to let go of those dreams as I got older and realized that what I viewed as successful and important wasn’t God’s view of those things. When I first read the scripture, “Go into all the world and make disciples of all nations”, I started to get excited and a dream started to form in my heart of a life of adventure in God’s plan.
As I got older, the kindling of the desire to be on the mission field grew in intensity through studying Christ’s life here on earth. I began to see that people were His mission in life. He would always stop to talk, heal, preach, & encourage; sharing the love of their Maker with them.


Cassia's Essays - in snippets:

Both of my parents gave their hearts to God long before I was born and, now 18 years later, they are more His than ever. They’ve had heated disagreements in the past but always sought reconciliation. Forgiving, forgetting and moving on afresh. Mom and Dad have always seen parenthood as season of fashioning arrows who, when their shot out, hit the mark. They made a decision even before they had kids to homeschool. And as of this May my Mom will have taken all three of us through our senior year in Highschool. My dad has worked long weeks for as long as I can remember so that my mom can be home, but takes his responsibility of Father and not just provider seriously. He’s constantly speaking truth and love into our lives.

Both of my parents have never been shy to discipline us when they’ve seen a need for it. We grew up being taught that honoring and respecting the authority figures in our lives was indispensable and didn’t enjoy the consequences when we chose to disregard this. I’ve always appreciated the people who have held positions of authority within my life , and have been blessed that the said men and women have really sought to love me and been individuals of integrity.

In our family we often do devotions of our own throughout the week but like to gather together for them as well. We also recognize a Sabbath every week. On these days we make a point to be alone with God and each other, taking a brake from work and allowing God to recreate us and breath on our relationships with eachother. It’s been a time to being still as well as a time to celebrate who He is and what He’s done/ is doing. We definitely haven’t always been the perfect family or example but God has continually been alive and at work in our home, and each year finds us closer to God and each other.

I became a PK just before turning 17 and have grown up within the church. I love the body Christ and am so thankful to have had that privilege. I wish there was a lot less confusing religion with the Gospel however. A lot fewer facades and a lot more vulnerability between each other. Something that God’s been teaching me is that the more acquainted and accepting we become with ourselves the better were able to know Him and be used by Him. We should know who we are without Christ and who we are as redeemed sons and daughters of God. Familiar and at peace with our strengths and weaknesses. Knowing and rejoicing in the promise God made when He told Paul : “My grace is sufficient for you: for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

I’m told by my parents that Jesus came to live in me when I was about 3, following a brief question and answer exchange around our dinner table :

[from my highchair] “How does Jesus come into our hearts?”

Momma: “By us asking Him to. And, (with a comforting smile) you will when your ready.”

Wherein, hardly missing a beat, I bowed my head and proceeded to tell Jesus I loved Him, asking him to “please, come into my heart”.

As the years progressed and I became better aware of what that petition entailed, I never regretted making it. I became more and more fascinated with Jesus. The things he taught and the life He lived. Horrified at the death we were guilty of helping Him suffer. Yet in spite of this I subconsciously entertained the belief that salvation was something to be earned. The result was a very religious, self righteous young lady. All this time however, I hadn’t been able to grasp the truth that God really desires to be in relationship with His children.

During my 13th summer I attended camp with my youth group and all the seeds that my parents had been sowing in my heart concerning the relationship factor of walking with Jesus sprang up. By the time I returned He wasn’t just my Lord, He was fastly becoming my best friend.

There’s definitely something to be said for not simply knowing God in your head but also in your heart. You can only love someone so much when your not in relationship with them and the love that was ignited in my heart towards God, through our new found friendship, was deep and transforming.

I wish I could say that from that time forward I ceased to sin or obsess about being the perfect Christian, but I can’t.The growth I’ve experienced since then, however, has been tremendous.Slowly but surely God began the process of uprooting all my convenient deceptions, convicting my heart about the things in my life that were pulling at our relationship, and directing my focus off of me onto Him. Truth has been setting me free.

As far as continuing to cultivate my heart goes,it’s been amazing actually experiencing and realizing that the Bible is alive and life giving…I need it. I suffer when I’m not feeding it to my heart and allowing it to renew my mind.
Just as imperative for me is prayer. When I’m not consistently seeking God through prayer my relationship with Him becomes handicapped and my heart grows less soft. Prayer also helps me put things in back in perspective and see the bigger picture.

I’m still a work in progress and always will be, but my heart is hopelessly lost to my King and I am thoroughly enjoying the adventure of being His daughter.

The Value of the Vision of Blind Faith

The beauty of God's sovereignty has come round again in my heart over the last week. Circumstances have caused me to grieve, but the sorrow that filled my soul has been slowly replaced by an unutterable peace in knowing that there is nothing that occurs without ultimately accomplishing His purposes in my life and the lives of those that love Him and seek to glorify Him.

"It will be as I have planned" Is. 14:24b

"For everything comes from Him and exists by His power and is intended for His glory. All glory to Him forever. Amen." Rom. 11:36

Life is so much more difficult when I think that it is all about me. 'Why is this happening to me?', 'What have I done to deserve this?'... I am not omniscient. I can't see the big picture. I don't know what plans from ages past God is bringing to fruition here and now, or what the future will hold for those beyond my lifetime who will be affected by His purposes for me. Yet I worry, and grieve, and scheme, and fig-leaf subconsciously believing that I somehow can mess up His ways. That I am somehow in control.

I found myself wondering why Jesus instructed us to pray, "Thy will be done, on earth, as it is in Heaven," if His will (according to the verses above & many more besides) is already being accomplished. I heard, soft, within my spirit, that it was for me. That in praying for His will to be done I am placing myself in humble submission to what He is accomplishing. That, in and of itself even, is His will.

So, as events unfold in the weeks ahead, I am resting in the knowledge and assurance that Christ is omniscient (He knows all, He has all wisdom, all knowledge, is all intelligent), omnipotent (there is none more powerful, None besides who is almighty, only He is supreme), omnipresent (infinite, always present everywhere, without beginning or end) and sovereign (He alone is commanding the stars & moons in their orbits, He is unmitigated, He alone is master of creation, holding the reigns). There is nothing new under the sun for Him. There is no heart I trust more deeply.

A song is playing in my thoughts, written in days of old , still speaking Truth:

This is no time for fear

This is a time for faith and determination

Don't lose the vision here

Carried away by emotion

Hold on to all that you hide in your heart

There is one thing that has always been true

It holds the world together

God is in control

We believe that His children will not be forsaken

God is in control

We will choose to remember and never be shaken

There is no power above or beside Him, we know

God is in control, oh God is in control

History marches on

There is a bottom line drawn across the ages

Culture can make its plan

Oh, but the line never changes

No matter how the deception may fly

There is one thing that has always been true

It will be true forever

~Twila Paris

Call to Pray - - Ammended at the end

This morning I received a note from a friend about the Freedom of Choice Act. I had never heard anything about it. In researching and seeing that it is, indeed, real, I am now asking anyone and everyone who reads this blog to pray that this does not pass. We don't have much time, but God is always in the knick of time anyway! Read below, research for yourselves and then hit your knees, PLEASE.

Please join in praying the 9 days of prayers in the hope that FOCA will not pass. If you are apposed to abortion then there is bad news on the horizon.For those of you who do not know, the Freedom of Choice Act (FOCA) is set to be signed if Congress passes it on January 21-22 of 2009. The FOCA is the next sick chapter in the book of abortion. If made a law then all limitations on abortion will be lifted which will result in the following:

1) All hospitals will be required to perform abortions upon request.
2) Partial birth abortions would be legal and have no limitations.
3) All U.S. tax payers would be funding abortions.
4) Parental notification will no longer be required.
5) The number of abortions will increase by a minimum of100,000 annually.

Perhaps most importantly the government will now have control in the issue of abortion. This could result in a future amendment that would force women by law to have abortions in certain situations (rape, down syndrome babies, etc) and could even regulate how many children women are allowed to have.

***I have since learned that this bill may not be passed on the 21-22nd of this month, however, it is still vital to be on our knees, seeking God's intervention and power in the face of what this bill could mean.
It is still a bill that is before congress that will likely pass (due to the majority of democratic support), it is still a bill that will give the government control, it still means that my taxes will be going toward taking a life, and that abortion could become common place. Catholics aren't the issue, in my opinion, life is. This bill is like putting a Herod into law who will be able to send out forces to kill at whim. The bill is real, even if the statement by the "novena" was misleading as to the extent of impact or the day of passage.

Read it and weep

God always drops something in my lap - just when I need to 'hear' it. This is a reinterpretation of a Franciscan Blessing.


“May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.
May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression and the exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.
May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, and starvation, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy.
And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.”

Life Questioned ~ edited

It is our own heart, and not someone's opinion of us that forms our character

Frederich Von Shiller

Our church is making cutbacks. Money is a rudder. It isn't a storm, or the helm, or even the sail or the wind in the sail. It just makes all those things way more obvious when it is lacking. Sadly, it does turn the ship. It creates panic and unrest on board when you know that one little piece of wood has been cracked, damaged or removed and you no longer have the power to control the ships movements.

It has been an emotional week. Our dearest friends, and the associate pastors of our body (the Murrays) have been let-go. We are heartbroken, discouraged, at-a-loss, and reeling from the blow. I don't understand the decision, but what I do know is that these are some of the most God-honoring people I have ever had in my life. God is for them. He is completely able to turn for good something that doesn't look that way in the natural. I know they will let Him lead them into the next glory beyond what He began here, as they look to Him. My heart will be bowed low for a long, long, time ~ both in prayer for understanding & comfort, but also because that is the only place it can be right now... low, at the foot of the cross ~ in sackcloth and ashes.

Don and Jen, River and Mo, we love you way up to the moon and deeper than the ocean. We will miss having you by our side everyday. Thank you for being our friends. This is one of the most difficult things we've ever experienced.

(J felt that I shared a bit too much, so I have edited this post. Please forgive me if I helped to start a root of bitterness in any of you, and please, please know that wasn't my intention. I journal here. Sometimes I forget that others even read it, so I must be more careful in content. Thanks for understanding. ~D)

Success!

We're Home!! What an adventure. I feel like I conquered the world and all I did was drive to Minnesota and back! Cassia had a great visit. She made friends, fell in love with the college, their faculty and staff, got a taste of late nights and early mornings several days in a row, and got a nifty, purple T-shirt! (he he!) Peter told me before we left to keep my hands at 10 & 2... How did I do Peter? I won't be anxious to get back in the car again anytime soon. Just thinking about it makes my butt ache.

Our special Google map blown up to 350% so you can see "St. Boni" (as the locals say). Google gave us wrong directions, but we made it anyway thanks to the grace of God! It's a beautiful place, although most of our time there was spent watching the unseasonal blizzard. Winds were outrageous!

One of the many long stretches of I-94 east... at least it was a beautiful morning! It reminded us of eastern Washington. We felt like we were driving to Tri-Cities or Odessa. It made Cassia miss 'home'. I can't say that I will ever miss coulees, scrub land, tumbleweeds, or sagebrush, though I do miss the heat sometimes.

This is Tonya. She is from a small town in WY and wants to go into Crown's nursing program. She and Cassia became good friends while they were there. She is one of several people that we are now missing. One thing about going into an environment where everyone is there for a similar purpose, and have similar goals, dreams, and hearts is that you connect quickly and feel their absence acutely when you are separated.

Tof blessed us with some Starbucks money. However, finding a Starbucks in eastern Montana, North Dakota, or small town Minnesota is a needle in a haystack exercise. My nose, however, is a finely tuned Starbucks locator. We found one on the way home hiding out in Bismark. Do we look happy? Coffee = Happy, happy, happy!

Thank you, again, to all of you who were praying for us continually. Cassia's interview went well, she doesn't think the essay went great, & the initiatives were challenging. The roads were good, and the car did fantastic. I wish you were all here so we could tell you about it in person. God did some amazing things and we could not feel more blessed or secure in the knowledge of His love toward us.

Please pray for the scholarships & grants that Cassia will be finding out about in the upcoming weeks. If she is supposed to be at Crown, it will have to be paid for through God's provision. I'm so excited about her future.

And They're Off!!

Cassia and I leave in about an hour!!! We're packed, we have our directions printed, we bought a map, we got snacker-nackers, and have checked and rechecked our lists. J. filled up Lassie with petrol, changed her oil, left the snow tires on and checked their pressure, and washed her with triple action foam so she is shiny metalic blue again (we'd forgotton what color she was!).
Tof and Minda have their school assignments lined out for them, their work assignments have been rehersed, snack and meals have been gone over...

You all have been awesome with your prayers and blessings over us in these preparation days, please continue to pray for us!

UPDATE on Cassia's Trip

I'm driving. I'm nervous. The farthest I've ever driven is about 5 hours from Portland to Moses Lake by myself. Portland I knew my way to and around... Minnesota I've never even seen or set foot in!

But this means Cassia isn't going alone, and it will be only 30 hours of driving instead of 50 hours on a Greyhound. :o)

J is calling us Thelma and Louise - let's hope not!

We are going to need all your prayers ~ during the preparations, during the drive, during the Campus Preview, for the fam. staying behind, for the vehicle, and anything else you can think of to cover!

God is well able, I know. Just trying to get as many people petioning Him on our behalf as possible!

Thanks everyone!

If You Would Pray...UPDATE!

It's over! She feels she did her best, and we won't have a score for 3 weeks or more. Thanks for all your prayers. The power went out and they almost had to reschedule the testing, but God must have heard everyone crying out for Cassia! It came on again after 15 minutes and they resumed!

Cassia is taking her SAT this morning (7AM - 12 PM MST). She has spent several months preparing, and still doesn't feel confident in herself ~ But she knows God is bigger and is leaving this in His hands. I know she would appreciate your prayers.

UPDATE & NEW PICTURES: Asking for prayer...

I have been devoloping a rash for about a week that has gradually crept over my entire body. My left ankle is by far the worst looking, but it is the rest of me that itches non-stop. I'm on Benadryl and Steroid cream, but the Dr. is at a loss to what has caused it or if this will even get rid of it. To be honest, I'm discouraged and sad. I know God isn't "picking" on me, but things like this always happen at the worst times. Please pray that this goes away quickly and never returns, even if we never figure out why it came. Thank you!
(Forgive the stubbly leg... I can't exactly shave right now)
We've pretty much determined that this is a case of poison ivy. Although I don't remember being anywhere that I could have come in contact with it, I am told that if the Urushiol oil is on an animal whom you pet or if it is on you clothes and then you touch it it will cause an outbreak. It takes 1 NANOGRAM to cause a rash! 1/4 oz could cause a rash on every person in the world!
I'm feeling a bit better and my ankle is clearing, but the rest of the rash is still itchy and covering 9/10 of me. Please keep praying, I would love to get on with life!

Ripples of Time

Have you ever seen an oyster shell? They aren't uncommon. One of the most common shells you an pick up on the Northwest coast in fact, but have you ever really seen one?

I find them humble; homely. I don't like oysters. They have no real value to me. They aren't rare and therefore aren't treasure.

So, why am I even bringing them up if I am so indifferent to them? Knowledge. I found something out that made a difference.

Sprawling and uneven, it has the irregular shape of waves, movement, or even growth. Each is fitted and formed by its own struggle to survive. The rock, root, or shell that the oyster glues itself to will forever carry the scars from the lifetime attachment. The most ideal place for attachment is on the shell of another Oyster that is glued for life to an unyielding rock.
The longer it is attached the larger it grows. The most important function of an oyster is that it filters over 50 gallons of water in an hour. It is unique in the mollusk world in that it has gills in it's submerged shell that allow it to filter the water it takes in, leaving it better for the others who share the water with it.

Is life ever one size fits all? Is it ever, always beautiful and polished? I have spent the past 18.5 years married to one man (glued to him for life - tenaciously fought for). The cortex of my being bears the marks of growth. Knobby, uneven, undulating, but growth none-the-less. Our marriage has grown from simply the fragile bond of romance where the focus was upon ourselves to a bond of looking outward, reaching outward, working outward. Many bonds have formed a web that is taut and firm, intircate and enduring. Romance is only one strand of many now.
I would love to try to cure the signs of growth sometimes. I would love to be able to retreat to a shell that looks less like the mother of a sprawling family; something more petite, and with less wrinkles. That would not be freedom, however. That would put me back in a place of encumberance. I am an oyster. Fimly planted, for life, growing through the adversities & pleasantries, allowing that growth to take on a shape and form all it's own. My prayer is that what flows through me is clarified and becomes beneficial.
I hope others can look past the outter shell ~ and be fascinated by the glue.

As He Becomes Clear

I love music! (Why do you think I married a musician?) I don't spend hours hitting the rewind button trying to get a lick down just right, but none the less, there is nothing that brings me to my knees quicker or lifts me to the throne of God faster than a song.

I am a dancer at heart. Always have been, always will be, even when I'm 80! So, I love things that get me stirred up a and set my feet to groovin', but 2 artists have an uncanny ability to render me helpless. A puddle, if you will... Their lyrics - My prayer.

Chris Rice questions, yet praises still. His very human cries for belonging, feelings of worthlessness, and forthrightness with his tendancy to wander validate my own heart, yet don't leave me to wallow there. He never finishes without retelling me that "God is Big Enough", that "He still wants to hold me and use me", and that He "races to meet me and bring me back to life".

Bebo Norman is the other one. I get teased about this one all the time. Everyone thinks I like him because he is handsome. Have you listened to his lyrics? He breaks my heart. My knees bend in submission to the Spirit's whisper that invades the hardened shell as he sings. He is handsome - get over it and see his heart. I happen to have a dangerously handsome man of my own with a voice that melts me quite effectively.

This morning I cried. I turned on my playlist on Rhapsody and went on editing photos. By the end of the first song, first chorus I was useless as God spoke and I repented -again- for my indifference and self sufficiancy. Here's it is (prepare to be jello):

Disappear Bebo Norman
On a day like this I want to crawl beneath a rock

A million miles from the world

The commotion that never seems to stop
And on a day like this I want to run from the routine

Run away from the daily grind

That can suck the life right out of me
I only know of one place I can run to…

CHORUS:

I want to hide in You

The Way, The Life, The Truth

So I can disappear

And love is all there is to see

Coming out of me

And you become clear

As I disappear

I don't want to care about earthly things

Be caught up in all the lies

That trick my eyes

They say it's all about me
I'm so tired of it being about me

CHORUS:

I want to hide in You

The Way, The Life, The Truth

So I can disappear

And love is all there is to see

Coming out of me

And you become clear

As I disappear

2Co 3:16 Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are--face to face!
2Co 3:17 They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We're free of it!
2Co 3:18 All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.

As He Becomes Clear...

Home at Last

In our front yard Wednesday Morning!
It seems magical, this whole idea of coming into a Calling. As if it should only be a dream, or like you are playing and it will all end when you are called for dinner.
Being in Montana and waking up to a world covered in white, and more snow softly falling helps with that etherial feeling.
Furthr add to the equation the fact that we are in a home that overlooks the Gallatin Valley, with the Bitteroot Range and the Tetons beyond that and I become just plain overwhelmed.
BUT it doesn't end there. God called us to a people who love us. He has given us opportunity both to give and be given into. We have been embraced. We have been esteemed. We have been humbled. It is no small thing when you find yourself in the center of God's palm.

I need to be there. In the midst of all the blessing and fulfillment, I was blindsided.

My Daddy died. It was sudden. Unexpected.

Life seems so odd. To be living when others aren't - can't. It would be so much easier if it all ended at once. Yet life is good.

There is still a song sung over me. His song. Undeserved, but lilting and enveloping, ... and carrying.

We are expecting friends soon. Christmas and it's celebration of hope and it's gift of life are coming on their heels.

Life is without Daddy ~ But not without Papa. God is a Father to the Fatherless. That is me now. He sets the solitary into family. This solitary daughter has found family and home in Montana - set into it by a loving Papa.

There Is No Life I Know...

That compares with walking with my Savior!

Our House is in the final stages of closing!
We should sign papers the day before Thanksgiving! (Honey, I'm coming Home!!)
I am overwhelmed this season at the faithfulness of God.
Here is my "Thank You" list, just off the top of my head ~ I'm sure there should be more!
*Long awaited dreams coming true.
*A family that loves God with their whole life, being, heart, and soul.
*A new home, church family, and adventure.
*Being together for the holidays.
*God's amazing grace and His newly restored mercies every morning!
*God's love that washes over me daily, that cleanses me, gives me hope, and brings me back to His knee and down to mine.

Nothing Compares.

Scared to Distraction (UPDATE)

I have never had much dental work done. I had my wisdom teeth removed in 10th grade, and a filling when I was 28. That about does it. No cavities growing up, no braces, no anything... But last week I somehow cracked a tooth. Now it has to be extracted... just the word chills me to the depth of my being! Tomorrow is the day - 7 AM PST - Pray for me!!
The dirty deed is done! Thank you Shelly for holding my hand through it all. My dentist was so wonderful, and God was gracious. I'm not in any real pain, but am antsy to DO something and have been ordered to rest for 36 hours. I'll have an implant done when I get to Bozeman. Thanks everyone for your prayers!

Quick Process

We have accepted an offer on the house! It still has inspection, appraisal, etc... So please pray for a quick process! I want to go be with my man!