Wednesday, June 30, 2010

In the Morning :: Day 3

I have found myself longing for the carefree summers of childhood A LOT lately. Days where I could do my chores, and then be at ease. The sweet grass scenting the hot air around me, the crushed-velvetiness of Sioux's muzzle against my fingers as I fed her apples or corn husks, Bug-a-Boo with her snaggle tooth constantly at me heels - ready to plop down in the shade of the cherry tree whenever I did. Catching grasshoppers, riding bareback, making up songs, climbing hay stacks, swinging from tree branches, picking berries at whim...

These days it is always winter in my mind/heart. Just trying to make it from one day to the next without dying of exposure to the 'elements' of "How are we going to make ends meet?", "Why am I 40 with no really close friends?", "Dreams? You mean more pain of unmet expectations?", "Why is the absence of God so much more real than the presence of God?"...

There are moments, though. Moments when none of that is in my thoughts and the winter gray lifts and I can see the sun and feel it's warmth. Momentary hope. Usually first thing in the morning before the cares of life have time to crowd in on my foggy brain. Then I can walk out to the yard and find a welcoming warmth as I settle onto a deck chair with my cuppa, and Cricket hops onto my lap. All I hear is the breeze. All I feel is peace.

I wish the 2 worlds were more intertwined. Wishing doesn't do much for my agitated spirit though. Somehow I need to find a way to reach for the peace of the summers past in the midst of today's harshness of my heart's winter.
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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

In the Morning :: Day 2

Yesterday was hard. I was really busy focusing on self and my agenda when I was thoroughly and completely knocked on my pedestal. I locked my keys in my vehicle for the first time since I began driving at age 18. All my best laid plans came to an abrupt halt and I was forced to not only relax, but to let God just take care of things.
When J dropped me off I walked past a field of freshly sprung daisies. I felt a little lifted.
I went home to prep for a meeting, had a beautiful evening with those in attendance, and then rode with J to go pick up the van that had been unlocked by his friends at the fire station where he meets for Fight Club!
On my way home, thankful for grace that got me through the day with joy, I stopped to pick daisies ~ as a reminder.
While I was picking a van and a truck drove past only to turn around and come back. It was our friends we hadn't seen in months!
They followed me home and we spent the night laughing and talking and feeling like we were with family.
I feel almost like I lived 2 totally separate days yesterday.
My own day that was not going so fabulous. And the day God gave me in exchange for mine.
His are always better.
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Monday, June 28, 2010

In the Morning

I have been wretched about updating. I have all kinds of excuses, but none that are good. Life just seems a bit overwhelming and I don't sit to reflect or write about the beauty and delight of it. In an effort to give myself a swift kick in the rear & to see, hold, and remember this life I exist withing I've begun a new project. A Year of Mornings. Inspired by a blog I began reading 2 years ago and still love to read when I allow myself time to do so.  Just a photo from each morning that represents something significant. I'd love to have you share as well. Leave me a link and we'll walk this journey together.
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Monday, June 21, 2010

Solstice Ala Bozeman

Hope the longest day of the year finds you wandering happily through forest and glen and savoring the daylight, twilight and moonlight.
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