Monday, January 28, 2008

Wake Up Call

I have made the statement:
"I love God. I want to follow Him, but right now I just feel, I don't know, indifferent."
I honestly believed it was ok to feel this way. That it was better than turning away from God completely or becoming a hypocrite and saying one thing while feeling another.
Last week on a drive along back roads with J we were listening to a podcast message by Matt Chandler. We listen to Matt often because he doesn't wear kid-gloves when he preaches, yet you walk away knowing the Truth of the gospel, and feel loved by God. Somewhere in his message Matt made the statement, "The opposite of Love isn't hate. The opposite of Love is indifference." I didn't hear the rest of the message. My heart stopped right there.
I began to hear those words every time I didn't want to read my Bible in the morning, in my dreams, and each time I felt empty or saddened by my current state of being.
I looked up 'indifference'.
Being indifferent would mean being dispassionate about the things that happen around you. Then you would enjoy the show without being involved.
Dispassionate, apathetic, mediocre, unconcerned, aloof, and detatched were mentioned for synanyms.
What a scary place to be. I feel like I have been hanging on by my toes at the edge of a precipice and was so aloof that I didn't even realize it, or care. Realizing it now brings tears. That I could grow so cold toward such warm and gracious love and mercy.
Time to die again.
the Crucifixtion of me.
I am crucified in Christ, therefore I no longer live. Jesus Christ, risen because He was without sin, now lives in me... Right?
Why can't I nail this to my heart? Imbed it? Allow it to take root and flourish?

Thursday, January 24, 2008

One last visit

August 2006 we were invited to come and candidate for a ministry position in Bozeman. We were in a whirlwind of meetings for 3 days where people sat us down and asked us any questions they had about our beliefs, our modus operendi, our shortcomings... Our favorite time, hands down, without a doubt was our time with "the old fogey" crowd. They acted anything but old. It was like being back in youth group. That night we met in the home of Denny and Kathy Granard. Kathy and I talked for over an hour, and then she sat by me during the meeting and whispered encouragements.

2 weeks later, when James was offered the position, Denny and Kathy gave James a place to live, and became his family while we stayed in Washington to get the house ready to sell. He was with them for 2 months. Kathy called me twice during that season to see how I was doing and to pray for me. She and Denny sent us notes to tell us they couldn't wait for us to come.

In November of 2007 when we arrived, but our stuff didn't, Kathy gave us sleeping bags and pillows to sleep in until the movers finally made it.

Kathy enveloped us and after having just moved away from everything familiar, she and Denny filled our need for family.

Now we are losing her. I know God is so happy to have her coming home to Him, and she is happy to go. She told me about the Bible study she was going to do on the life of Moses and then said, "I'll just go ask him all about himself now." She is ready. Wish that made it easier to let go, and to live without her.

We said goodbye yesterday. James and Cassia and I (Minda and Tof have been sick, so they couldn't come). As I was leaving, Kathy took my hand and said, "Deea, trust Him, trust His heart." She knew even then just what I needed to hear, just what I was questioning. I don't understand, but I do know God's love is enough.

Goodbye, Kathy. We love you.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

How We Wither...

How We Wither..., originally uploaded by efiw.
All these men that you made
how we wither in the shade
of your trees, on your wings
we are carried to the sea
God, give us love in the time that we have
~sam beam

We have had (according to Bridger Mountain report) more than 5 feet of snow in the past 4 days! This is the first morning I have woken up in 5 days that new snow has not cast it's blanket over us. It beautiful and cold, and we have been shoveling our little heart's out. Yes, even Mom and Dad have gotten in on the action! We've gotten stuck twice and had to dig our way out!

A few things have happened in the past few days.
Our friend, Kathy, is dying rapidly of Lukemia. She is home in hospice care. We are praying, but she is at peace with going home to be with Jesus. It makes us no less sad to be without our spunky, intercessor down here.
Our van is in the shop, making us a one car family for a bit. It's reminding me of the early days of marriage. I think until the kids were about 11,9, and 7 we only had one vehicle. It'll be an adventure.
I am beginning to makeover our bedroom. Christmas $$ allowed me to get some things we have desperately needed (fabric for curtains!!) and I have chosen colors for the walls. I'm making the curtains now. You know there will be photos soon...
Hope all of your winters are going well!

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Because You Called...

A friend called me today worried that I was ok because the blog hadn't been updated in a few weeks. So, Z, these are for you.
Minda got new shoes.
Arent they adorable? She LOVES them! Cassia gave her a gift card for Christmas and this is what she chose with it...
James and I stopped in to Montana Ale Works while the kids were at youth group. It was snowing, it was cold, and hot soup and crusty bread were in order!

The boys spent an afternoon up Goose Creek Rd. getting wood at the Magenity's. They have been so generous to us. 2 cords of wood this winter have given us blazing fires every morning and evening and the wonderful aroma of evergreens in our sunroom!

It's snowing. We had just shoveled this the day before, but overnight *BAM* I pulled all 3 of the kids out of bed and told them to suit up and pick their respective shovels! It snowed all day today, and is supposed to continue through tomorrow. :o)
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